TAMING YOUR ANGER

TAMING YOUR ANGER

“Anger is a certified destroyer, from its birth till now, it is yet to build a lasting legacy” 
― Osho Samuel Adetunji

     

I once again welcome you to Tales, an educative page where we improve on what we know and who we are, thereby making the world a better place. I remain your loyal host, Olabusola Olorunnowo.

Today on the blog we are looking at how to deal with the negative impact of our anger and we would be dissecting this subject of discourse with a number of relevant quotations that reflect anger and it's effects in several ways.

Anger is basically an expression or reaction to an unpleasant situation. Everyone has a physical response to anger. Our body releases the hormone adrenalin, making our heart beat faster and making us breathe quicker and sweat more. This allows us to focus on the threat and react quickly, but it can also mean we don’t think straight, and maybe react in ways we might regret later on. 

Research reveals that one person out of every five people you meet, has ended a profitable relationship because of the way the other person dealt with anger. There is however, no offence in getting angry rather how we express ourselves when angry is the issue to be tackled. Every human being reacts to anger in diverse ways but the consequence of this reaction differ from one person to another. While some people have been able to learn to tame their anger, some others need to take a few lessons from anger management school and this can only be resolved by first accepting you have a problem. Followed by understanding why you react the way you do and how to respond to a similar situation in future. Bohdi Sanders, Warrior Wisdom: Ageless Wisdom for the Modern Warrior says, “Never respond to an angry person with a fiery comeback, even if he deserves it...Don't allow his anger to become your anger.” Many homes have been destroyed due to the father, husband, brother, sister or wife's irrational behaviour. 

“The first key to leadership was self-control, if you can't swallow your pride, you can't lead.” says Jack Weatherford, Genghis Khan and the Making of the Modern World. It is therefore,certain that there is some evidence of pride in every expression of anger. Most times it begins with some thoughts nudging you to compare your worth and everything you represent with the situation at hand or the object of the anger. This in most cases, further stimulates more negative energy and reactions.

Anger management is a relevant study for every individual who knows that their reactions to hurts is often or might be offensive. Hence anger management should be learnt by all parents and inculcated in their wards. Children build up their believe system from cradle and if their willful nature and anger is not properly managed then it might degenerate to a great issue in adulthood.

It is pathetic at times when some children throw tantrums and the parents say to the care givers, "Please just give him whatever he wants". "No! please". Children should be made to understand why they can not or may not get every thing or have their way at all times.

FACTS ABOUT ANGER

How people react to feelings of anger depends on many factors which includes: the situation, their family history, cultural background, gender and general stress levels. However, we can not excuse the damage done by anger to the cultural background or to any other factor. Every good and perfect gift is from God while every negative reflection in our personality is traceable to our human weakness that can be tamed.

People mostly express anger verbally, by shouting. Sometimes this can be aggressive, involving swearing, threats or name-calling. Some people react violently and lash out physically, hitting other people, pushing them or breaking things. Some words spoken out of anger are better not said, as it can cause emotional trauma, psychological trauma, and self destruction for the direct and indirect target of the anger.

Other people might hide their anger or turn it against themselves. They can be very angry on the inside but feel unable to let it out. It’s important to deal with anger in a healthy way that doesn’t harm you or anyone else. Intense and unresolved anger is linked to health conditions such as high blood pressure, depression, anxiety and heart disease. It can also affect your relationships and your work, and get you into trouble with the law.

Dealing with anger in a healthy way includes:

• recognizing when you get angry
• taking time to cool down
• reducing the amount of stress in your life

You can also look at what makes you angry, and how you deal with those feelings.
Here is what a clinical psychologist, Isabel Clarke advice us to do when dealing with anger.  

“Everyone has a physical reaction to anger. Be aware of what your body is telling you, and take steps to calm yourself down," says Isabel

Recognise your anger signs

You need to study yourself. Your heart beats faster and you breathe more quickly, preparing you for some regrettable actions. You might also notice other signs, such as tension in your shoulders or clenching your fists. "If you notice these signs, get out of the situation if you’ve got a history of losing control," says Isabel. Yes you might need to excuse yourself from that place at that moment.

Breathe slowly

Bangambiki Habyarimana, The Great Pearl of Wisdom opines that “Anger turns a man into a beast” . Take a count of 1-10 and breathe out slowly. This exercise works. Breathe out for longer than you breathe in, and relax as you breathe out. "You automatically breathe in more than out when you’re feeling angry, and the trick is to breathe out more than in," says Isabel. "This will calm you down effectively and help you think more clearly."

Be More Conscious

You need to be more conscious of your desire to overcome anger. Tell yourself daily that I will not be ruled by anger. One thing anger does is to imprison you and let your life be govern by another person who doesn’t deserve your irrational actions. This is because the guilt affects you more and not them. You only licence the target of your anger to control your life when you irrationally react. It is not out of place to find out that some people just might intentionally frustrate your effort just to see how you would react. So why allow them enjoy your drama. Instead give them a bit of suspense. Let them be the fool rather  than you. Untamed anger is an activity that has no good result.

Exercise can help with anger

Bring down your general stress levels with exercise and relaxation. Running, walking, swimming, singing, dancing, playing yoga and meditation are just a few activities that can reduce stress. Always try not to overwork yourself. "Exercise as part of your daily life is a good way to get rid of irritation and anger," says Isabel.

Love Your Neighbor As Yourself.

The Biblical principle of loving your neighbor as yourself, is important. It teaches us to love ourselves well and then treat our neighbor likewise. Suffix to say: take care of yourself first. Anger can span from you going extra mile or been selfless for your spouse, friends or boss and they been selfish or careless about how you feel when it is their turn to reciprocate. Any help you will regret you rendered should be avoided. Any money you can’t give, don’t borrow out. To avoid any form of grievance know your limit. We sometimes present ourselves as foot mat for some family and friends then when they treat us poorly we some times express displeasure or keep malice.

The feeling of anxiety and fear can transcend into an angry reaction. Sometimes when people talk about "anger" what they actually mean is aggression, says Dr James Woollard, a consultant child and adolescent psychiatrist. "Often when people experience or appear to show anger, it’s because they are also feeling fear or perceive a threat, and they are responding with a 'fight' response to this."

"Asking yourself, 'What might I be scared of?' can give you a different set of choices about how to respond," says Dr Woollard. "You might be angry that something has not gone your way. But you may also be scared that you might be blamed or hurt as result. Recognising this might allow you to think and act differently''. Some men for instance, express anger as a result of financial instability, insecurity, their inability to care for their immediate families can breed angry remarks, due to some imaginations of what their spouse would say about their inadequacy. In this vein, some women also express anger due to the fact that they feel they are overburden and this angry reaction can be seen inform of transfer of aggression on their spouse or children.

Looking after yourself may keep you calm

Make time to relax regularly, and ensure that you get enough sleep. Drugs and alcohol can make anger problems worse. "They lower inhibitions and, actually, we need inhibitions to stop us acting unacceptably when we’re angry," says Isabel. Research shows that addiction to vises can not tame anger. Anger is not visible rather it's an emotional challenge that needs to be disconnected by feeding your mind with a different thought. 

Get creative

Writing, making music, dancing or painting can release tension and reduce feelings of anger. Just ensure you distract your mind from reflecting on the subject of your anger.

Talk about how you feel

Discussing your feelings with a friend can be useful and can help you get a different perspective on the situation.

Let go of angry thoughts

"Try to let go of any unhelpful ways of thinking," says Isabel. "Thoughts such as 'It’s not fair,' or 'People like that shouldn’t be on the roads,' can make anger worse". Thinking like this will keep you focused on whatever it is that’s making you angry. Let these thoughts go and it will be easier to calm down.

FORGIVE

Forgiveness is one act you will always need to engage in as long as you are this earth. This is because people would always offend you. Learning to forgive is therapeutic. It breeds peace, sound mind and sound health. It is definitely not easy to forgive, so try not to expect perfection from anyone. Revenge is impotent as it never end well and bitterness is useless. The earlier you forgive the more progress you achieve. Hurting people they say, hurt people but a forgiving heart can redeem many lives. Also you may need to avoid using phrases that include:

• always (for example, "You always do that.")
• never ("You never listen to me.")
• should or shouldn't ("You should do what I want," or "You
• shouldn't be on the roads.")
• must or mustn't ("I must be on time," or "I mustn't be late.")
• ought or oughtn't ("People ought to get out of my way.")
• not fair

In summary, anger can be managed if we study ourselves and learn how to tackle each situation with the mindset of peaceful co existence. One way i tackle anger at times is to excuse the fault of the target of my anger, there by suppressing the extent of my reaction.

Anger is an important emotion. But having shared so much on the negative impact of anger, it is pertinent to note that,anger, anger can also be utilized to correct some unwanted activities, if well channeled. According to Celia Richardson of the Mental Health Foundation. “It’s the one that tells us we need to take action to put something right,” she says. “Anger is a problem-solving emotion. It gives us strength and energy, and motivates us to act.” But for some, anger can get out of control and cause problems with relationships, work and even the law. Life is beautiful and we should live each day like it is our last. 

Once again thank you for reading.

Ref: 

.www.nhs.uk
.Residual.