BEDROOM STEALING

However, we need to note that daily SEX is not enough to convince a man to put a ring on your finger... Ladies need to stop co-habiting. Let us follow due process. We say the government is corrupt yet we are all stealing in one way or the other. When your bride price is yet to be paid and you are engaging in premarital sex, suffix to say you are stealing.

Gone a the days when a white hand kerchief symbolized the joining of a couple. In those days a man would be made to go through all sought of challenges in other to marry a lady. The lady in turn will only be allowed to see his bed or sit on the bed after the bride price has been paid. Now civilization has summarized the whole process and a lady can habour a young man in her home and be cooking for him, doing his laundry and attending to his sexual pleasures yet he will still be contemplating whether she is good enough for him. 

I call it stealing because, you did not get proper consent of the parents. Once you pay the dowry of that lady then it is not stealing and mind you, you can not pay her bride price to her. Which means you need to seek the consent of the family.Some men living with theirs wife's today with their children, yet the husband is yet to pay the bride price of the woman. In our culture, it is wrong, you as the man or husband have robbed the woman of her honour, and you as the wife or woman, you have robbed your parents, their honour.


Today's discourse, starts with the story of Mabel.

Mabel is a pretty 29 years old lady, she has had her fair share of good, bad and ugly relationships and now she is with this good looking gentle man, whose name is Teslin. Mabel is a working class lady and she stays alone in a Mini Flat (Room and Palour self contain).  She is comfortable and all she just seeks for is a man to put a ring on her beautiful finger. Anticipation made her to give in when she met Teslin through a friend of hers. Their story then graduated like that of Romeo and Juliet. Soon after she met with him, he visited her on few occasions just to taste her cooking and know where she resides. Then one thing as usual led to the other and like some people do phrase it: "it is good to taste what you are buying". Spending the night soon became a norm and love making could not be absent.

At first, Mabel did not see anything wrong in his few visits until the time, he moved in with her, due to his rent which was almost due, according to him. His reasons and their future plans sound good to the ears but the present circumstance, given the fact that she had to do the necessary things a wife would do, soon made it burdensome.

Mabel's friends wonder why a banker like Teslim would not consider renewing his rent and move out of their girlfriend's house. Teslim on the other hand, comes home like any other husband and refreshes, after which his meal is served. He demands sexual rights at any time he so desires.
Mabel is only waiting for the right time, to ask him when he would come see to her people.

Yet another case:

A story was told of Mary Abang, a 27 years of old lady who hails from Cross River State. She works in the marketing unit of a reputable bank in Lagos and she is what every man would call a wife material considering her dexterity in the kitchen and the bedroom culture as well as sexual strength that the south south people are said to possess.

Mary Abang lives in a three bedroom shared apartment.  She met with Philip, a dark, tall handsome man, with a well built body who seem like he had met his heavens in Mary Abang. They both fell in love and soon Mary Abang became delighted in ensuring Philip's attention is not distracted.

Hence, she would not mind if Philp stay over night daily. Philp at times drove home at the mid night or early hours of the morning. Soon her neighbours and flat mates started frowning at the incessant late nights movement of both. Now Mary Abang does not see anything wrong in co-habiting with Philip, in her own house. Infact, she calls him "my  husband". So in this case you may not be able to correct the abnormality because, she does not see anything wrong in it.


At this juncture I love to relate the stories above with the concept of "husband". To a lay man out there, a husband is that man who has paid the bride price of a woman. Meaning a man who cohabits is stealing, vis- a vis, the lady who is cohabiting. But why in the world would a working class lady rent an apartment and have a man or her boyfriend or series,  come to the house on a regular base to order you around all in the name of love. I must say that, this is simply cheating your self as a lady. I once asked a friend who told asked if he could come spend the night that, "In what account do we document that"
No matter the reason or challenge that your loving and handsome guy may have, let him look for his relatives of friends to stay with.

This type of relationship will only lead to over using your engine, disrespect, shortage, loss and much more. The honour of a bride is lost already, so why would he prefer you. You can not trick or enforce a man to marry you or put a ring on your finger by having him in your bed. Some men can be very crafty, he will spend the night at your place and the next weekend he is getting married to another younger lady. Some are even sleeping in your house and yet have their Facebook status as, "Relationship : Complicated." So who is at the loosing end. You serve them your food, money, time and body and they praise you. You decline and they say you are proud, but in your absence, they will, tell their folks you are different.

Yes I will agree with you that some people have engaged in such practices and are happily married today but I can tell you that, that is just one out of every ten ladies out there. Besides there is dignity in waiting. There is dignity in following due process. Stolen bread is said to be sweet but have you verified, if it digest well because stolen food is always eaten in a rush.

I wonder the dignity in such a lifestyle. He visits you regularly in the apartment you paid for and you cook for him and tender your body to him for bed usage without following due procedure of introduction or traditional or court...my Sister, you will only end up becoming a tokunbo . Let us join hands and frown at it. I also know that it is not not easy to stay without a guy at times, the body just calls for it at times. Hence the reason you need to feed your mind with edifying substance.

Let it not cross your mind that think if you do not yield to his sexual request, he will leave. Please let him leave. A better gentleman will come. The more you bother yourself about him the more, you fall another prey to yet another gentle man without a vision. There is always a waiting time.

If you ask him; "What are your plans for me or what is your 5 years plan" like Steve Harvey wrote, he will say I want to be with you or I love you. We ladies need to have visions as regards our dates and relationships... what do you really want from a man and are you getting 50% of it. Mind you I am not speaking of material things alone... so many things are subsumed to achieve a good relationship. A man do not have to be spending on you for you to know he can take care of you.
You may need to see through his actions, beyond emotional attachment. This chemistry thing will loose it hold when the chips are down.

Above all Only God can guarantee a good and lasting relationship. Your relationship with God determines your relationship with man. You can never be wrong if you tell God daily your sexual desires and tell him to help you overcome it. Given in will only make you a prey. I have at some point in my life, reported my feeling to God. "That God see me o, my body has started again "and I will seek him continuously for his help till I realize that the sexual urge has disappear. A life in Christ Jesus is not without challenges but the difference is that maintaining your relationship with Christ Jesus will help you subdue your flesh and have a purposeful life.



Thank you for visiting Olabusola's Review. I remain your loyal host, Olabusola Olorunnowo.