HOW YOUR WORDS AFFECT YOUR CHILD

If only parents can use their words to bring reconciliation and re-connection to their children rather than condemnation. Condemnation will only make this child withdraw. However, when a child withdraws into himself too often then it might be difficult to bring them back. Many children who have being emotionally and psychologically abused by friends, family's, teachers, parents and so on, have become depressed and victim of circumstance at one point or the other in life.

Some parents in their rage have frustrated the creativity, talents, career, and self esteem of their children. Some are even confused on how words can work on a child instead of incessant beating. Beating or scolding a child at some point for correction might be okay but incessant beating of the child might just cause more emotional damage. There is therefore a need for a balance in the way we scold, rebuke and spanked our wards. Every parent needs to be conscious of the mode of correction used on the child.

Some weeks back I was with a young man who is now making wave in the POP Plastering business. Nelson Afang narrated his ordeal with his Dad. He confessed to have been a stubborn boy while growing up. However, one thing scared me about his experience and that was when he mentioned his Dad was always telling him, "you behave like a tout and a tout you shall be". Nelson Afang at some point derailed and moved with touts for some years.

A day came and he responded to that voice that was always echoing "go and become a tout" in his subconscious. He spoke back to the voice that, I will no longer be a tout. This was in 2004, Nelson said he met with a man who was into POP business and he appealed to him to learn the trade from him. The man agreed to train him without payment and Nelson graduated in 2006 to start his own POP business. Today he has built a house in his village and has his own family in Lagos. He claims he makes around 200,000 or a double of it monthly, depending on the contract. Nelson says, he is glad that he learnt a skill and is now an employer of labour. He has reconciled with his Dad although the relationship is not cordial.

In correcting our children we need to be careful not to unconsciously condemn their person, in an attempt to caution them. Many child trainers encourage correcting children in love. This transcends mere telling them they are wrong. It has to do with empathy and support towards a gradual change in behaviour.  

Every child has a reason for what he or she is doing and why he or she is doing so. Unfortunately, their reasons might not correspond with proper reasoning, hence the reason we may need to ask them why they did or have done what they did. Explaining their aims as well as explaining our own reactions will help them to reason better. When you ask them what they would do differently when similar event occurs, their response will help you know if they actually understand your correction or not.

Our children hear our voices and can reflect on them when we are not there with them, those voices guide them if the voice anchors the positive and those voices will also ensnare them if they anchor negative expressions. These words paint a picture of possibilities or impossibilities in their mind and it keeps resounding in their ears.

Thank you for your time on Olabusola's Review. I remain your loyal host Olabusola Olorunnowo.