SEX: LITTLE BUT CRUCIAL FACTS
Having a spectacular SEX life ********
Olabusola Olorunnowo, is here again on Review by Olabusola, with yet another interesting episode and this time, it is not just educating but sensational. This is that juncture, where we take a look at practical ways of sustaining your marriage with emphasis on having a spectacular sex.
“The difference between an ordinary marriage and an extraordinary marriage is in giving just a little ‘extra’ every day, as often as possible, for as long as we both shall live.”
-Fawn Weaver
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Marriage is beautiful and often admirable from a distance but many couples are not enjoying their marriages, giving the increase in the numbers of divorce, separations and emotional affairs. We see a need to discuss different sustainability. Mignon McLaughin opines that, “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.”
Observation has shown us that many couples only cohabit while some others for the sake of what the society or the religious bodies would say, have decided to just stick with it. However, it is crucial for us to always keep in mind that the magic of marriage is not in getting married but it is in staying married. It is to this end that the famous Henry Ford says, “Coming together is a beginning; keeping together is progress; working together is success.”
Observation has shown us that many couples only cohabit while some others for the sake of what the society or the religious bodies would say, have decided to just stick with it. However, it is crucial for us to always keep in mind that the magic of marriage is not in getting married but it is in staying married. It is to this end that the famous Henry Ford says, “Coming together is a beginning; keeping together is progress; working together is success.”
You will also agree with me that many separated or divorced couples still love each other yet they could or can not just stay together anymore. Many people have tossed the marriage vow on the office file, shoulder of their colleagues or on the cleavage of another lover.
The almighty God who initiated marriage, never instituted the marriage institution for people to get awarded with their convocation certificate, just at the matriculation event. Neither did he initiate this union for the sake of reproduction alone rather he desires that the two would join force and impact the world.
This the reason he said, "one will chase a thousand and two will chase ten thousand". God prides in the intimacy of every couple. He sincerely purposed that this two people become knitted in thoughts, vision, deeds and work towards fulfilling his purpose for creating them. In reviewing the institution of Marriage the writer Dave Meurer reveals that, “A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.”
This the reason he said, "one will chase a thousand and two will chase ten thousand". God prides in the intimacy of every couple. He sincerely purposed that this two people become knitted in thoughts, vision, deeds and work towards fulfilling his purpose for creating them. In reviewing the institution of Marriage the writer Dave Meurer reveals that, “A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.”
Mind you, many writers have written several articles on recipes of a good marriage but it will interest you to glance through this as well. Our major focus in this article is on how to have a better sex life in marriage. Sex has been found as one of the reason some homes have broken, yet because it is not a subject given to random discussion, some couples have had to suffer in silence. One thing you do not want to trivialize, is the fact that, same actions brings same outcome but new or refined actions would bring better outcomes.
“Happily ever after is not a fairy tale. It’s a choice.”
-Fawn Weaver
Hence the need to view a few needed tips :
for the Men
1* Affection
It has been often said that men are logically wired while woman are emotional wired yet so many men get home at night with an ATM Card to withdraw in an account they have not deposited in. No please! You can not love your job and your office so much that you get so busy all day without a soothing word via SMS, chat, mail or otherwise to your wife. My brother you need to also do your part of the job before returning home to place bedroom demands. Your excellence may not find it funny on that day. Instead you may need to appeal to her emotions while you are absent so that when you are present, your presence would count. Well! It takes humility and true love to appreciate someone endlessly.
A conversation once took place between two friends. The first friend told her married friend to tell his wife she looks beautiful in one of the dresses he bought for her but he said "Ah no, she would be feeling like she is more than that" mean while the wife was already thinking of giving away that particular dress.
Men need to show sufficient affection to their wives. Your romantic messages are your deposits. It's not enough when 99% of the compliment come from her colleagues and relative while in your mind you are saying so much and smiling. Hnmmmmmm! Please just say it out. You never can tell, it might boost your sex life.
A conversation once took place between two friends. The first friend told her married friend to tell his wife she looks beautiful in one of the dresses he bought for her but he said "Ah no, she would be feeling like she is more than that" mean while the wife was already thinking of giving away that particular dress.
Men need to show sufficient affection to their wives. Your romantic messages are your deposits. It's not enough when 99% of the compliment come from her colleagues and relative while in your mind you are saying so much and smiling. Hnmmmmmm! Please just say it out. You never can tell, it might boost your sex life.
There is a need to talk about any and every thing. Especially as it concerns your sex life. Not talking about it might affect your performance. Unresolved issues need to be discussed one after the other before presenting your sexual desires. Conversations such as how was it, should there be a rematch, fantastic, yes but you might need to try this or that etc in other to help boost a good sexual life.
Expressions that are demoralizing or discouraging should be avoided so as not to dent a better future. Criticism is good but a constructive criticism is more effective. Couples need to understudy each other to know the sexual preferences, strength and weak point of their spouse and how to effectively manage it. So many homes have broken due to unresolved sexual issues. People don't find it easy discussing such challenges hence when the vacuum has been long created then the separation, then the need to cover up their reason for breakup.
Expressions that are demoralizing or discouraging should be avoided so as not to dent a better future. Criticism is good but a constructive criticism is more effective. Couples need to understudy each other to know the sexual preferences, strength and weak point of their spouse and how to effectively manage it. So many homes have broken due to unresolved sexual issues. People don't find it easy discussing such challenges hence when the vacuum has been long created then the separation, then the need to cover up their reason for breakup.
Looks matter in everything. Take time to dress well for your spouse. She wants you in short please do wear them. Your look do not have to be extravagant but let it be adorable to your spouse. I have heard of a woman who gets turned on by white singlets.
Study your partner and let your dressing pleasing your spouse in the day and at night. Implement your spouse's correction on your dressing. Do not always assume you have a reason for dressing that way or that, that is the way you are used to dressing. Take a pause and try her suggestions out and you would be better for it.
Study your partner and let your dressing pleasing your spouse in the day and at night. Implement your spouse's correction on your dressing. Do not always assume you have a reason for dressing that way or that, that is the way you are used to dressing. Take a pause and try her suggestions out and you would be better for it.
Barnett R Brickner believes that “Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate.” Which in essence implies that as a woman you need to be the change you desire.
1* Respect
Every man wants to be respected and the African man is very particular about how you treat him. Man was wired to be in charge or in control hence you will do yourself no good if you are competing with his position as the head of the home, even if your salary put you in charge, just pinch yourself that it is not your space. Your wealth or secular position should not be a reason for you to loose your bedroom right. God created Adam and put him in charge of the garden. Your life , marriage and home is that garden and if you don't submit to your gardener who is Christ then your husband then you will never have a well tended garden.
“In marriage, when we honor and celebrate each other, we’re freed up to be the best people we can be.”
-Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott
Women who have beautiful sexual lives are often happy at work while women with an unsteady sexual life are often unnecessarily harsh and not happy. However, the place of respect should not be misplaced. Respect is earned and not demanded. In a case where it is been demanded then the parties need to discuss it amicably. As a woman you need to rub the ego of your spouse. There is a king, a warrior and a baby in every man.
Choose to either have a palace or a battle field. Your choice of words and it's usage considering the situation and environment goes a long way. If you treat him like a king or a fool, his reaction would be in that regards. But you can not treat your spouse like a king and he would treat you like a maid if something else is not involved. Galatians 5:22/23 admonish everyone to possess the fruit of the spirit." But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy peace...gentleness and self control..."
An Unknown Philosopher once said, “The first to apologize is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest. The first to forget is the happiest.”
2* Comparison syndrome:
This is not far fetched in marriages. People who have been sexually involved with one or more persons before their spouse might have a tendency of comparing their spouse's sexual performance with that of their ex. No one is perfect hence like Rom 8; 1 says " There is therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus". Your past should not determine how beautiful your future should be.
This is not far fetched in marriages. People who have been sexually involved with one or more persons before their spouse might have a tendency of comparing their spouse's sexual performance with that of their ex. No one is perfect hence like Rom 8; 1 says " There is therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus". Your past should not determine how beautiful your future should be.
Hence you might need to appreciate your spouse the way he is and work together gradual to maximize a better sexual life. Endeavour to bury your past, accept your presence and daily work your present into an enviable future. Your marriage is what you make of it.
No man appreciate a woman who nags all the time or to make it worse a woman who is often letting him know how much of his weight he is not carrying. The tongue is a small part of the body but how you utilize it in your man's life matters. Proverbs 31;12 says " She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life"(NIV). The state of your heart determines how active your sexual life turns out. You might not like some things about his bedroom activities but "you can do it better" will never affect the esteem or a next time performance. Encouraging your man goes beyond words but in thoughts, actions and also in your prayers.
4* Nurture him like a baby :
Every man loves to be cared for or nurtured. Men love to be cared for likes babies. Many woman get marriage and as children come in they substitute the space of the husband for the children because nature requires that the baby is fragile. Oh my lady, you need to plan your motherhood to accommodate a good pampering space for your spouse.
If you will agree with me, men get jealousy of even their babies. Your sex life whether you are pregnant or raising children should not become doll or boring. Instead you might need to garnish it at every stage in your marriage. Barrack routine never change despite new recruits. When the bible said women should submit, it was only emphasizing on the need for every woman to be humble.
It takes humility to enjoy a spectacular sex. The result of these is that,your husband would drift to doing the unusual. Men who have been well serviced in bed at times sing while doing house chores. You wonder why he has decided to take off some stress from you. Well, it is most likely due to the fact that his first or last meal is punctual.
If you will agree with me, men get jealousy of even their babies. Your sex life whether you are pregnant or raising children should not become doll or boring. Instead you might need to garnish it at every stage in your marriage. Barrack routine never change despite new recruits. When the bible said women should submit, it was only emphasizing on the need for every woman to be humble.
It takes humility to enjoy a spectacular sex. The result of these is that,your husband would drift to doing the unusual. Men who have been well serviced in bed at times sing while doing house chores. You wonder why he has decided to take off some stress from you. Well, it is most likely due to the fact that his first or last meal is punctual.
5* Bed Space :
Whoever said having an apartment with several rooms means couples should sleep in separate rooms was wrong. No matter how old your marriage Is,please keep sharing your bed every night you can with your spouse. Been in the same room helps to cuddle even if you don't make love. It helps you to bond more. He becomes the last voice you hear before you sleep off. Another thing about the bed space is that you can redecorate your bed room quarterly to help your sex life.
Do away with some things : items, colours, curtains etc that can distract that good mood. Hence, make your bed room adorable and always welcoming. It will amaze you that some woman in this age and time still stock up laundry boxes and some other "weeds" in their matrimonial rooms, please pardon me but all these need to excuse you. What air does your husband breath in, when he enters the room. I feel the room should carry a more sensational look compared to other rooms in the house.
Do away with some things : items, colours, curtains etc that can distract that good mood. Hence, make your bed room adorable and always welcoming. It will amaze you that some woman in this age and time still stock up laundry boxes and some other "weeds" in their matrimonial rooms, please pardon me but all these need to excuse you. What air does your husband breath in, when he enters the room. I feel the room should carry a more sensational look compared to other rooms in the house.
Lessons for both
- More than anything, couples are advised to confess their love to each other on a daily basis. Little wonder Barbara De Angelis proposes that“Marriage is not a noun; it’s a verb. It isn’t something you get. It’s something you do. Its the way you love your partner every day.”One lesson i learnt from an aged couple in their 35th year of marriage is that they both have spent every morning of the 35 years saying " I am in love with you" to each other. Furthermore the aged man confessed that he has never allowed any challenge to get in the way of his bedroom meal and that he has never demanded it in his 35 years in marriage. He only plays into it.
- Make up your mind to forgive in advance. There would always be frictions but let your words be seasoned with salt and let your heart forgive even before appeal. An unforgiving mind will never yield the body to a spectacular sex.
- Purpose in your mind not to curse your spouse pain in any little way. Though they say hurting people hurt people. Pay back is never a Godly way of dealing with issues.
- Make it a duty to daily put your marriage in prayer for while men slept the enemies planted weed.
- “To keep the fire burning brightly there’s one easy rule: Keep the two logs together, near enough to keep each other warm and far enough apart – about a finger’s breadth – for breathing room. Good fire, good marriage, same rule.”-Marnie Reed Crowell
The beauty of been married is to stay married. Hence there is need for every couple to cultivate a habit, plan or strategy that best suit their home on how to sustain that marriage. There is no better lady or man out there. If you see any lady looking beautiful, someone is working hard to keep her that way, likewise the gentle men out there. So build and nourish your life, your spouse and your home and together you would fulfill your purpose of creation. Fawn Weaver says “Keep the fire lit in your marriage and your life will be filled with warmth.”
Thank you for reading through. May your home be blessed.
Ref: Day Star Christian Center(July Extraordinary sex teaching.)
Personal Research
Happy Wives Club
The movie : Baggage Claim.
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