7 WAYS TO DEAL WITH A STUBBORN CHILD
7 WAYS TO DEAL WITH A STUBBORN CHILD
It is not out of place to have one or two strong willed child among your children or in your classroom. As Parents and Teachers, this can be
very frustrating. Especially, when it seem this child have a dogged
determination to destroy your efforts. Yes! I understand how draining it can be,
but here are a few tips that can help you. 1) BE MORE PATIENT
Children always have a reason for their actions, unfortunately
their good reasons often turn out with bad results. In dealing with a stubborn
or strong willed child, you need a lot of patience in other not to act
irrational in the face of the slightest provocation. Patience will help you to think
through the situation by analyzing it before you take your decision. Despite
the provocation, please exercise a little more patience.
2)
LISTEN MORE
“Most people do not
listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”
― Stephen R. Covey
― Stephen R. Covey
The act of listening is very crucial in every relationship.
Many people love to express their minds yet they lack the listening skills.
However, in dealing with a strong willed child, you might need to listen to
them more. Now the way we handle the issue of stubbornness in a child either
worsen it or alleviates it.
In a cases where you do not listen to them and just assume that, James is always the more stubborn of the two children and you punish James, soon James would lose his esteem and would gradually become a rebel. There is a need to listen and also to give these set of children a benefit of doubts before we go ahead and blame them.
― Leo Buscaglia
In a cases where you do not listen to them and just assume that, James is always the more stubborn of the two children and you punish James, soon James would lose his esteem and would gradually become a rebel. There is a need to listen and also to give these set of children a benefit of doubts before we go ahead and blame them.
― Leo Buscaglia
3)
TRY TO UNDERSTAND THEM
There is a need to understand every child. Children have a
great and large heart and our disposition towards them will either make them
accept rebuke or repel. In other to understand the reason they want it their
way, we may need to put ourselves in their shoes. Peradventure the coin were to
be flipped and you were on the other side, how would you react. Understanding
them will help you to manage them better.
This set of boys and girls work with their intuition and if you must make them do your bid, you may need to explain the reason. Also in understanding them you need to know the: Why, Who, How, Where and When of their actions. You may need to ask them questions like: Why are you upset? What is on your mind? Why don’t you want to do the task ? Who did this? What is going on? And much more. In asking those questions, we also need to avoid insisting on questions like, why did you do it?
Especially when they have not confessed to the deed. Such questions might seem more confrontational thus making them feel like the black sheep. A few of them would explain the reasons for their actions while a handful might just stare at you. Also you will need to start the process with them and work with them gradually. Lao Tzu opines that "to lead people, work behind them".
This set of boys and girls work with their intuition and if you must make them do your bid, you may need to explain the reason. Also in understanding them you need to know the: Why, Who, How, Where and When of their actions. You may need to ask them questions like: Why are you upset? What is on your mind? Why don’t you want to do the task ? Who did this? What is going on? And much more. In asking those questions, we also need to avoid insisting on questions like, why did you do it?
Especially when they have not confessed to the deed. Such questions might seem more confrontational thus making them feel like the black sheep. A few of them would explain the reasons for their actions while a handful might just stare at you. Also you will need to start the process with them and work with them gradually. Lao Tzu opines that "to lead people, work behind them".
4)
PRAISE LOUDLY AND REBUKE IN LOVE
No one including adults would appreciate public disgrace. Catherine the Great says, "I praise loudly and blame sofly". At
times in a bid to correct a child, we often report them to their mates or our
friends and colleagues. Children hate it, when you tell their weakness to their
friends or foes. rebuke
They also want to be respected, so let us respect them. When you openly discuss the challenges of a child, he or she would either struggle to beat and rewrite that record of wrongs or give up on himself. Some unruly children have resolved to replicate the negative reports teachers and parents have about them. I discovered that most times, when i have a seat out with a child who keeps acting up and we discuss his actions and how it affects other children or the teacher, it produces better results.
They also want to be respected, so let us respect them. When you openly discuss the challenges of a child, he or she would either struggle to beat and rewrite that record of wrongs or give up on himself. Some unruly children have resolved to replicate the negative reports teachers and parents have about them. I discovered that most times, when i have a seat out with a child who keeps acting up and we discuss his actions and how it affects other children or the teacher, it produces better results.
5)
CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE TOWARDS THEM
Attitude is everything and a change of attitude will only
mean a change of result and achievement. So you may need to change your
attitude towards them by first forgiving them in other to deal with next situation. John Maxwell explains that "A negative past experience sometimes paralyzes our thinking and our attitude". Some times unforgiveness is the reason, some of these children are stubborn. At times, you react to them based on unforgiveness and they get back at you out of bitterness.
Every child needs to be loved, despite their deficiencies and misdemeanor. Children are more observant and this is why they learn by imitation. Hence they study your attitude towards them and might react, if they feel their space is threatened.
Maureen Healy, a creative developer of children opines that, “Children are sensitive to your words, demeanor, tone, atmosphere, and overall attitude towards them so they will do what they know how to do – defy, talk back, sass, refuse”. She advice that, “You need to change your approach and partner with them even if it’s hard, challenging”
Every child needs to be loved, despite their deficiencies and misdemeanor. Children are more observant and this is why they learn by imitation. Hence they study your attitude towards them and might react, if they feel their space is threatened.
Maureen Healy, a creative developer of children opines that, “Children are sensitive to your words, demeanor, tone, atmosphere, and overall attitude towards them so they will do what they know how to do – defy, talk back, sass, refuse”. She advice that, “You need to change your approach and partner with them even if it’s hard, challenging”
Once you ascertain the reason for their actions, create avenues to inspire them and as you inspire them, you will notice a positive change in them.
6) Check Their Association
Association, location and information have a lot to do with our attitude and character. A child's stubborn nature might be due to an external influence. Children are to be counsel on their choices and not forced to make any choice. So if you must change that child's influence, do it with the right counsel.7) The God Factor
Children are the heritage of God and the fruit of the womb is reward. So when a child seem too hard to relate with, you do not need to over labour yourself. Just report the matter to God. The heart of the kings are in the hands of the lord, hence no child can be too stubborn for God to touch.
Please note that sensitive or stubborn children are highly intelligent. They mostly think out of the box only that they channel their energy into accomplishing wrong goals, but if properly counseled, they can develop a positive attitude towards themselves and others.
Thank you for your
time on Olabusola’s Review. Remember to keep building a good relationship with
people. Relationship is everything.
Ref: *The Winning Attitude by John Maxwell
*Observation Method
*Amazon.com
*https://www.google.com.ng/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/blog/creative-development/201301/the-highly-sensitive-and-stubborn-child%3Famp#ampshare=https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/creative-development/201301/the-highly-sensitive-and-stubborn-child
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