INFIDELITY

 INFIDELITY

 Every woman is pleasant in her own way and they all taste differently
so how many will you taste, stick to the one you have chosen, at the altar.

It is Olabusola's Review and I write with all humility on  this subject, not before i have attained but because it essential to discuss it. 

Children grow up minding their parents businesses until, they have theirs and when they do, they mind both. Meaning, your son or daughter will find out some how about your infidelity and if that happens, what lessons are you passing across?

Yes! your child is too young to understand the matters of the heart, but have you taken time to consider the impact of your actions in years to come. 

Having a confidant other than God and your spouse is a decision, you may need to review, time in time out. This is because, the branches of every tree sway to where they get the rays of the sun. Hence, if your sun shines brighter on your confidant who is an opposite sex, there is tendency for an emotional affair or infidelity. 

I was at a meeting recently and a man in his fifty's (50's), stood up and after some few words, he confessed, he is almost becoming impotent, as many would regard it, in comparison to who he was before. This he said, was due to the exit of his wife from the home on grounds of infidelity and for several years he decided to discipline himself, that infidelity has no profit.

In another meeting, a young and handsome man stood up and as he held the microphone, I am sure many people wondered what he had to say. This was a very introverted man whose voice, you will rarely ever hear outside the meeting.

Now he cleared his throat and spoke up. In his exact words, he said for ten (10) years he had been with no other woman but his wife. 

Now I am not saying, these two young and older men are perfect but yes they were and are tempted. But they have decided to look the other way. “Oh Yes You Can!” The morale behind today's discourse is that despite all, you can stand out. Mind you, you are not standing out because your wife is the best or because there are no issues. You are rather, standing out because it is more pleasant to be faithful to your God and your vow.

It is no news that variety is the spice of life and that the eyes is not satisfied with seeing, as the human want is insatiable. But all these factor operate in contrast to the beauty of a Godly marriage. 

Marriage works better when both parties, amongst other things do not have to worry about their partner's fidelity. Yes! I agree that your respect for your spouse can affect your decision not to have have extra marital affair. However, there are some men who respect and adore their wives yet cheat on them. They will almost seek for an earthquake if their wife get to know of it. 

The reason for infidelity is different from one man to another, however, we can not for the wrong reasons destroy our home. Two wrongs will never make a right. 

I know you doubt if I understand, that a woman's libido goes low after the first child and more low after subsequent pregnancies. But you will also agree with me that it takes two to tango. You both want the children, hence you will also need to find out more ways to make your sex life work despite each pregnancy.

Moreover, the cares of childbearing and raising children naturally drift the sexual attention and appetite of most women. However, one thing is sacrosanct and that is the fact that we can always work things out. 

With patience, research, understanding, communication with your spouse and a show of love, you can survive the days when lovemaking is absent.

There is equally no doubt that the temptation to keep a side babe/chic is there. I know there are some ladies (single and married) out there, who have specialty in dating married men. Some would make you their core course, even when you show them you are not interested. Regardless of the wedding ring, or your status or knowing your wife, they just want to a feel of you.

A second or minute attention given to them, will not destroy your home immediately but it will destroy it gradually and indirectly.

Some of these ladies have large hearts; they would even send gifts to your wife on her birthday or your children while they are dating you. But why allow pleasure take your home from you?

One day this side chic or babe who seem very understanding, will change and might demand more than the usual, far more than you can ever give. 

To say the truth, most side chic's are very understanding and they often take better care of you because they are not in your home. They are not encumbered with the stress of their in-laws, your children, your laundry, your daily meal , your bills, your debts and much more. So it is very easy for them to seem very understanding and cool with you. It is easy for them to pamper you because they are only seeing the garden from the sea side...unknown to them that it is tougher to be the woman, mother and wife of the house.

It is very true that extra marital affairs will only build distance in the home and it will help you to see the weakness of your wife the more. It will also make you a selfish rather than a selfless hero. It will never help you build your relationship with your wife or with God.

Indeed, it is not easy to stick to just one woman despite her nagging and other attitudes but have you taking time to deal with the reasons why she 'nags'. You may need to take time out to see from your wife's point of view some times. It is more profitable to make your marriage work. Marriage involves you working and walking with your wife on a full time and part time basis.

Some practical solutions

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• If you are the type that loves encouraging young intelligent ladies. It is good but draw a line and be conscious of your choice of words before you are overtaken. Intelligent and focused young ladies also have feelings. I once heard of a man who had an intelligent and focused secretary...At a point when he realized, both of them were becoming attracted to each other. He started discussing some of those conversations with his wife. Then he decided not to be going on tea break and lunch with her. He broke the flow gradually.
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• If you are  already attracted to a certain lady other than your wife, avoid continuous one on one meeting with her. Do not even give her ride alone. Report her to God continuously until the feeling dies. Discuss her with your wife, if you know that will not spring some more trouble. You can also discuss her with a matured friend whom you know would not indulge you. Infidelity thrive in secrecy. Once someone else is aware, it can help a little. Ensure your meeting with her is at unquestionable places and times. Try not to treat her too special else, her feeling for you might build up. When discussing with her, infuse your wife or home affairs occasionally. Refer her to someone else who can counsel her better, incase she has relationship challenges, so as not to get emotionally attached.
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• If you are the type that is often attracted to women in need and before helping them for long, you are engrossed in an affair. Send your help to them as anonymous or send your wife to them and let the help be from Mr& Mrs. Let your dealings have a third party around to avoid stories that touch.
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• If you are a person given to counselling or soul wining, always have a witness. Never alone. 
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• If you are an entrepreneur and time happens to be surplus at times. Having a chat with an intelligent ladies or entrepreneurs like you might be good to help build your mind but kindly take it with a pinch of salt and do not make it regular. Training should be training: people network at every training ground but there are some people whose networking have undertone.
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• If you are the type that loves making friends and surfing the internet, guide your eye and your heart will be guided. Not all friendship sites are good for a child of God. There are some sites on the social media that will only lure you to constant phone sex, or verbal/ causal infidelity.  Yet it is not that you do not know but rather you feel you can handle it. Some ladies are only in need of men who will flirt with them on phone and it stops there. While some profess they only need a constant chat mate, either married or single. Most times, they prefer married men because a married man will not be so devoted to them. All these are avenues that drives your mind away from your wife and your home.

No matter how strong you are, you still need to run. Every woman is pleasant in her own way and they all taste differently, so how many will you taste. It is best to just stick to the one you have chosen, so you do not sour your integrity. I will conclude with this, you can not help yourself, except if God helps you. Many great men and women have preached and written against infidelity and yet they have fallen prey of it. So please you need to accept Jesus as your lord and constantly tell him to help you to be faithful in your marriage.

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Thank you for taking time to visit Olabusola's Review .

I remain your loyal host, writer, poet and blogger ; Olabusola Olorunnowo